The Non-Cook cooks

I cook to eat to survive  (contrary to Mr Prahlad Jani who claims not to have eaten for 70 years).  I have burnt a boiled egg.  I am not a chef.  Much time is spent preparing and cooking food and generally eaten too quickly – so much energy spent for so little reward.  Go figure.

I know many of you are chefs and enjoy preparing and cooking meals (like Eleanora from Aglio, Olio and Peperoncino).  I love eating the meals my friends, the other hyenas, invite me to enjoy in their homes, but cooking is rather a chore and waste of time to me.  It almost goes without saying then I don’t cook terribly healthy meals when I do cook.

What am I going to be eating on my trip then?  Nothing fancy, that’s for sure!

I thought I’d share some of the interesting simple things I’ve learnt.

THERMOS COOKING

Put some of the boiling water you heated for morning coffee into a Thermos flask.  When you’ve been sitting at a waterhole for hours waiting, poised for that ‘award-winning” wildlife photograph, you add Maggi noodles or pasta to the flask of water and leave it for while to “cook” the pasta.   Add whatever ingredient you brought to put in with the pasta.  Eat out the flask or empty it into a bowl.  Enjoy.

ENGINE SNACKS

I learnt this from K on a visit to Val of Monkeys On The Roof.   He did this with chipolatas (mini sausages) on a sundowner game drive.  All you need is aluminum foil, a car and some food.  Wrap the food well.  Place parcel on warmest part of the engine (the manifold in my LSP*) and when you’ve been driving for a while the engine is hot enough to heat the sausages through.  Note that they are greyish, not brown like you’ve braaied (braised) them.  If you’re driving around a game reserve and the lions, hyenas, wild dogs, etc. are running behind the vehicle, don’t stop to check your food --- clearly it’s cooked!!

For the panic mechanics, you’ve ensured your food is wrapped well and no exhaust fumes etc. will get into your food.  If there are exhaust fumes, or engine fluid leaks – get your vehicle serviced!

THE ZIPLOC OMLETTE

For all the worrywarts, I am aware of the toxic warnings circulating about this method of cooking, but there are a gazillion other things that are slowly killing me daily, so what the hell…

The minimum fuss meal and you can prepare it the night before. Crack two eggs into the bag, add your favourite ingredients (ham, bacon, cheese, ‘shrooms, etc) and shake to combine the ingredients.  Boil a pot of water – big enough to put the bag(s) into.  Make sure you let air out of the bag before you put them into the boiling water for 13 minutes.  Steve cooked them for us on our Kgalagadi adventure (pic above) and he agrees – 13 minutes exactly.  Open the bag and roll omelette onto your plate.  Enjoy.

* my little silver Pajero